It's Friday, and I have gotten the word that my sister Sue is coming to spend the night with mother. An added bonus is that her daughter Shelly and son Noah will be coming on Saturday to stay the night as well. This will give my husband and I some much needed rest from caring for mother. No matter how much I love her, the idea of a little free time away feels really good.
My husband and I have decided to go out for supper for the evening, before heading off to our newly found favorite shopping stores; Lowe's and Home Depot. Spending Saturdays working on plumbing and electrical for mother's new addition, comes with several costs; financially as well as physical. Upon returning home, I notice we have several calls. Pressing the "play" button, I hear my mother's voice. She begins by saying, "Sue, Sue and Bill are coming to spend the night with me. If you want to come and visit for a while, come on down. " Second call: "Sue, thought you would want to know that Sue is coming to spend the night with me, but if you still want to come, you can." Third call: "Sue called and she and Bill are coming to spend the night...wait a minute, I guess you are Sue, well I don't know then...this Dementia is really working on me Jean" finally she calls my name, only because she has said that phrase many, many times.
Sue arrives and mother is excited that she has come. The weekend goes by fast, and it's Sunday already. It feels really strange being away from mother for even two days. My sister and niece have kept me informed via text messages along the way, but not to see mother or talk to her, seems really weird. The only thing I can liken it to, is being away from your child. You're so glad for the time away, but it feels as if a part of you is missing.
A friend of mine gave me the following poem. Reading it, I was humbled and reminded of the many things that my mother has done for me, and now I've been handed the baton:
When you forget your own address
and find yourself on strange streets, we'll sell your car,
and I'll drive you to all the places you need to go,
like you did for me when I was a child.
When you forget how to dress
and end up with three sweaters, two sets of panty hose, and a slip on over your dress,
I'll help you to look proper when you go out,
like you did for me when I was a child.
When the words on the menu don't match the pictures in your mind,
and you keep ordering things you won't eat,
then I'll order the food that I know you'll enjoy,
like you did for me when I was a child.
When finding your way at church is frightening,
I'll take you to your class and pick you up and let you sit with me in big church.
If the sermon seems long and you get sleepy,
I'll let you put your head on my shoulder,
like you did for me when I was a child.
When hot and cold faucets confuse you,
I'll put you in a tub of warm water and give you a bath,
like you did for me when I was a child.
When you forget who people are
and can't tell your family from total strangers,
I'll be your memory and tell you their names
like you did for me when I was a child.
When they're having a party for all the residents,
and you want to go but don't know what to wear,
I'll make you a costume that everyone will envy
like you did for me when I was a child.
When you forget who I am,
not just my name or my birthday, but that you ever had children,
then there isn't much I can do but go somewhere and cry,
like I sometimes did when I was a child.
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