Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"I Miss You!"

We all have loved ones who come and go in our life, sons and daughters who may be away at college, armed forces, or living in far away states. Knowing that they can't be with us right now, but will once again, grace our presence, is something we all live for and gives us momentarily peace. During the early years of my married life, I lived far away in another state. Back in those days, there was no such instrument as a cell phone. Being I was a "mama's girl" many hours and dollars would be spent a week, calling my mother, sharing news of a new baby's tooth, a step that was taken or just a sad day, longing to be back in North Carolina. Eventually, our family was able to move back home and I would once again, share the day to day life with my mother. So many days were spent on shopping, trips, visits to siblings who lived out of town, family dinners, church life, you name it, we would be together. She was always there for me. Most importantly, she was my confidant, and I hers. She was my mother. When you have a loved one with Alzheimers or Dementia, you find yourself missing that person, even while they're in your presence. I stop into the home today, just to see mother for a minute. Knowing that it's lunch time, I don't want to interfere with her eating, so I tell her that I have an appointment, and just wanted to stop by and say hey. My heart is heavy with many troubles of the day, I have a yearning of saying "Mother, I need to talk to you about something, and you tell me what to do," as I have so many times though the years. Hours and hours on end have been spent, pouring out my heart to this woman who I entrusted with all my inner secrets and shortcomings. I sit down in a chair to the right of her, and as the first bite of food goes into her mouth, I hear her say, "Shoo, I'm not eating that!" The attendant quickly comes over and comments that she'll be right back with one of mother's favorite, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's not long before she has fulfilled her promise. Mother sits unwrapping her sandwich as a young child would unwrap their presents on Christmas morning. As I watch this scene unfold, I feel an emptiness in my stomach. For all the person that this woman has been to me and others in her life, is this what it all comes down to? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I say goodbye, and began my drive back home, tears cloud my vision. Crying out "Mother! I miss you! Come back to me! I need to talk to you! God help me, I want my mother!" I know that many of you have lost loved ones, with never a promise of ever seeing their face again this side of Heaven. I too, lost my dad some twenty years ago. I know loss. Never imagining that anything could compare to death of a loved one, I now know that there are some things worse. Please God... The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr


  1. You are so blessed with the courage to start and continue this blog! Your mom would be so proud of your sharing. Love and miss you! Lisa

  2. Awesome. You put into words everything I'd like to. I too have a blog, more of a 1.what we did today 2. something I've found i a book that might help someone, 3. lifestory if you start at bottom and read up. Last few I've left 3. off as I've been less melanchony after a little vacation. momsdementia.com. However, I plan to subscribe to yours and share it on my blog if that's ok with you. I have people reading mine from all over the world and I'd love for them to see this particular one, so poignant.