Friday, February 20, 2015

I Still Need You!

I tried making your infamous pound cake again today, mother.  Even though I have the recipe, it still doesn't come close to yours.  I needed to ask you what I am doing wrong, but know that it's impossible for you to tell me. Visiting mother becomes harder and harder each time I go now.  Weeks ago, I was spending time with my youngest grandson, when I stepped  on a slippery surface and sprained my ankle.  Soon afterwards, I was telling mother about my fall, when all of a sudden, her eyes became huge, and a stern look covered her face...that all familiar "mothering instinct" took over, as she blurted out, "When did this happen?"  "You better be careful!"  I was in shock, yet feeling elated that a part of my mother was still in there.  Forgive me mother, for giving up on ever feeling that love from you again.  It's really hard for all of us, knowing that you would never want to be this way.  Dear Lord, I miss the woman that used to live inside my mother's body.  I know that my feelings are selfish; realizing that so many have lost their mothers to death and can no longer touch or see them here on earth.  I thank you for the life that this jewel has shown before her family.  For the years she gave serving You; teaching, praying and reading Your Word.  What a blessing she's been to those who loved her.  Teach me to accept this day, this time in my mother's life. I know that all of this is in your perfect plan and that our lives are forever engraved in the palms of Your hands as Your Word tells us.  Because of this, I can face tomorrow.

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